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I have internet now! Back in college. I need to get more regular on this.
Currently in the process of searching for an apartment. I came to work early today so I can get off by six for checking out a place.
A new kind of journey this is, finding an agreeable place. A week of college has passed. Third year Bachelors now.
Now since my savings are finally going on the place, I’m also devising ways to earn more. I’ll work harder here at the gallery, and I might take up another job in a month as well.
So much is on my mind, so little to say. Just posting as the journey continues.

Posting from my office. I work as an assistant at ‘Red Earth Art Gallery’ for three hours a day. I’m updating the gallery’s collection’s documentation format right now. So today’s featured photograph is a work of Amit Ambalal’s. Hope you enjoy. ^^


 

Friends and I

Are We Human or Are We Denser?

I did my best to notice
When the call came down the line
Up to the platform of surrender
I was brought, but I was kind

And sometimes I get nervous
When I see an open door
Close your eyes
Clear your heart
Cut the cord.

Are we human? Or are we denser?
My sign is vital, my hands are cold
And I’m on my knees looking for the answer
Are we human or are we denser?

Pay my respects to grace and virtue
Send my condolences to good
Give my regards to soul and romance
They always did the best they could

And so long to devotion
You taught me everything I know
Wave goodbye
Wish me well
You’ve gotta let me go.

Are we human? Or are we denser?
My sign is vital, my hands are cold
And I’m on my knees looking for the answer
Are we human or are we denser?

Will your system be alright
When you dream of home tonight?
There is no message we’re receiving
Let me know, is your heart still beating?

-The Killers.

[On the band's official website, the biography section states that Flowers is singing "Are we human, or are we dancer?" and also says that the lyrics were inspired by a disparaging comment made by Hunter S. Thompson, where he stated America was raising "a generation of dancers". ] -Wikipedia.

But sometimes I like to change a few words of a song and dedicate them to my contemporary. This is one for now.

 


I just turned twenty some days ago. My birthday was during my summer vacation, so I’m at home rather than at college. I’ve been home for about a month. I miss the college atmosphere. I study in an art school, going to my third year now. I think, more than skill and art and seeing things differently, the course has taught me how to truly become my self.
When I’m at home though, it kind of undoes itself.. It’s probably the expectations - ones based on my past failures. It scares me, honestly. I realised recently that I often tell myself I’m “bad” – a bad daughter, a bad student, bad girlfriend.. What that does is, it keeps my past mistakes cling-wrapped to my skin and doesn’t let me breathe and be myself. And myself, I’m actually not that bad. I have a lot of potential, of that I’m sure. We can always change, if we see our past as inspiration rather than as a threat to be feared.
What I’ve especially realised though is that I actually have the perfect life and the most understanding and wonderful parents. My problems actually only occur from my own laziness, but moreover, fear of being “good”.

As I said before, I just entered the twenties. I’m new here, so I don’t know much, but leaving the teenage heart of things is a huge change. The change started for me at age eighteen on wards when I entered college. The change is this: I see people around me learning to disconnect themselves. We’re all learning to be “more independent”, but it’s as if ‘independent’ is synonymous with ‘cold’. Not that I don’t have the warmest friends in college – we know we’ll be there for each other completely and all that, but.. they’ve taught me their belief: that sharing one’s issues is to become dependent and one should grow out of that and will grow stronger. That is not incorrect. But when we grow into that belief, as I did, sometimes maybe we take it too strongly and after over analysing, hardly recognize what’s worth sharing from what’s not anymore. I’ve become quite comparatively silent with this exact confusion.. Every time I’m about to speak, my immediate afterthought is “is it worth saying, really?”.
So I’ve been wondering what it really means to ‘grow up’. I don’t like it yet, but it’s probably because I haven’t found a proper balance between shutting up and speaking. I say I’m open-minded, but I tend to generalize, and it’s probably not totally like this outside the people I’m experiencing, but … this is how it’s been for me.
I’ve been wondering if ‘growing up’ means to become denser than human – teenage years are so beautiful in the sense that they are full of unavoidable expression. ‘Maturing’ seems to mean becoming colder and discouraging a society where people ask for help; it seems to mean entering a place where the obvious truths become more secret, just for the sake of a trend.

What I’m trying to express, essentially, is my relation to the song with my thoughts of recent..
This might seem like complete non-sense later, but I’m going to go ahead and publish this.

Hello, WordPress!


In news though, I started this blog mostly because my parents just bought me a smartphone and now I can take and upload pictures. Lots of stuff, artwork, and a journey to follow.
P.S.: The featured photograph may seem totally irrelevant but… it’s of the present, as is this, so.. I just went for it. Two great friends and I.